


Now or Never

by Jinbeizaki



Series: Love Free! week [1]
Category: Free!
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-27 22:23:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16228514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinbeizaki/pseuds/Jinbeizaki
Summary: Written for Love Free! Week Day 1: How do they say “I love you?" & What is something they've always wanted to do?





	Now or Never

**Author's Note:**

> I have spent most of my day typing this, hoping to share more fluffy SouMako fiction. It was meant to be longer but I got lazy, maybe for later prompts?
> 
> I combined those two prompts hopefully this fits well.
> 
> Thank you to KaneNogami for proofreading this despite the mess it was before you started to work your magic on this. Please thank them a lot because, without them, this fiction would be impossible to read. 
> 
> I hope you can enjoy.

They first started to hang out in their last year of high school.

 

Yet even back then, they could barely see each other.

 

It was an important and busy time for them. They couldn't blame one another for this. Sousuke had been dealing with his injury, giving up his dream and searching for a new one. As for Makoto, he found a new aspiration, however, he had to deal with what it implied, moving to Tokyo.

 

Their time together was going to be limited. They were aware of this since the start of their friendship. The fact they did not live in the same town not helping either. Samezuka and Iwatobi were not that far but they would waste precious minutes to reach it. Sousuke's internship rules were another barrier between them.

 

They were aware of all those limitations and had no other choices but accepting them. They would make sure to enjoy every little second of it.

 

 

The turning point had been Sousuke's birthday. Their summer had ended and with it, Sousuke's dream. Rin had been desperate to throw the most amazing party for his friend. He had even somehow managed to get the agreement to organize it in the Samezuka's dormitory. It was supposed to be a secret, but judging by his friend's behavior, his plan was crystal clear. However, Sousuke played along, feigning surprise when everyone from Iwatobi and Samezuka swimming clubs showed up. Rin must have been quite convincing for even Haru to show up, maybe mackerel bribing?

 

Makoto had been there, it was their first meeting since _that relay_ race. And Sousuke could tell he was worried simply from little glances. They hadn't exchanged a word yet because they would not attempt a conversation of such nature around the others, especially when it was supposed to be a birthday party. But Sousuke could feel the weight of Makoto's gaze. At this point, they had barely talked together, only seen one another at swimming meetings. They had mutual friends, loved swimming and shared surely more traits in common.

 

Rin had praised his friends from Iwatobi few times (a lot) so it was an opportunity for Sousuke to know what he meant by this. He walked closer to Makoto, the latter talking with Nitori, Nagisa and Rei. Apparently, it was about how the clubs' new captains.

 

“Hey Tachibana, come with me." The hall of the dorm was so crowded that Sousuke preferred to move to a less filled place to talk to this guy who had kept glancing at him throughout the night. Makoto had flinched when he was called out but still obeyed and followed after him. Sousuke wanted to reach the entrance door to get outside for their little chat but they ended up in the corridors leading to the dorms' rooms.

 

 _Oh well_ _,_ _fuck_ _my_ _awful sense of direction_ _._ He thought before realizing it did not matter where they would talk. But apparently, it mattered for the other judging how Makoto looked uneasy. His hand was gripping at his side, face a lot redder than before. It was not as hot as in the hall though hence Sousuke's failure to understand this kind of reaction.

 

How he would understand later on though! How he would be laughing at his own obviousness when Makoto was going to explain to him that he thought Sousuke was either going to kiss him ravishingly or punch him away from others. Makoto already had conflicted feelings about him back then, his body no longer stuck in childhood in spite of being the youngest of the duo. He knew the reason behind the way his face was burning and also, even if Sousuke was not aware, why his heart was beating so fast.

 

“You've been glancing at me for a while now."

 

And Sousuke couldn't tell how Makoto's palms were starting to sweat and become uncomfortable at this point.

 

“I-It's not what you think!" Makoto started to defend himself the best way he could although Sousuke's calm voice did not indicate if he was pissed off at him or not. But in Makoto's perspective, Sousuke's reaction could only mean one thing; his glances had been bothering him.

 

“You're worried about me. About my shoulder that is." Sousuke's voice remained calm but the way it was not sounding pissed or frustrated was confusing Makoto even more. He was only stating facts the Iwatobi swimmer could not refute.

 

Of course, he was worried! Who wouldn't be after what happened in the race? Actually, he had been worried since Kisumi had accidentally told him. Makoto could not ask more though since he was not a Samezuka student, nor he could ask Rin either because he did not want to meddle too much. Gou's reaction had him thinking it was nothing and that Kisumi only exaggerated the situation, which wouldn't be the first time besides.

 

Makoto had tried to calm his worried self the best way he could.

 

And then came that race, the moment he had seen this reddened shoulder, he felt a pang of guilt hitting him. Could he have improved the situation by confronting Rin about it? Makoto had known something was up with Sousuke' shoulder and he had done nothing to help. This guilt, as well as his worries couple to growing feelings for Sousuke, had Makoto unable to focus on anything properly those past weeks.

 

He had fucked up with Haru when talking about their future, a mistake he'd rather not repeat with Sousuke. Makoto took a deep breath to try to come up with something to say but Sousuke beat him to that.

 

“You don't have to worry. It's not new. It's been over a year now... I've known since then my dream would not come true so it's not as if I hadn't been thinking about it. I'll recover properly for now, working at my parents' restaurant and see what happens. So don't pity me."

 

While Sousuke said those words, his left hand unconsciously gripped at his right shoulder. It was still painful to think about his dream ending, yet that was life. He could not feel frustrated or angry at his own mistakes forever. He had to grow up, to find what he could do now and not waste time pondering over a lost dream.

 

What he did not expect was for his hand to be joined by Makoto's. They were warm. When teal eyes looked up to see his face, he was also taken aback by the myriad of emotions swimming through green eyes. There were countless feelings in there, Sousuke could not even name them all.

 

“You're so strong Yamazaki-kun... I am not pitying you I swear. I just-I want to help you. What you've been through, I don't know much about it, I'm aware but... I don't want you to go through this future alone. No one should have to go through this by themselves. I was able to find out what I wanted to do thanks to the people around me so I want to do the same for others. So let me help you!"

 

And this was the moment Sousuke fell in love.

 

Sousuke had not been used to be the center of such attention. Makoto's words were so genuine, for real this guy could be stabbing you, yet you would still like him. There was something so...warm. It was not just his hands, there were this warmth and caring sensation coming from this person. Sousuke did not realize immediately but this new feeling within his body was not going to leave him any time soon.

 

“Like a shoulder to lean on?"

 

Sousuke had teased him back then, the two of them chuckling like all of those butterflies within their stomachs meant nothing. It was the start of their friendship. The next time they would see one another would be during swim meets. They kept their exchanges short almost out of habit nonetheless they were growing more comfortable around each other Those butterflies within their stomachs still present, although it turned into a familiar sensation. Sousuke found himself cracking a smile at how even if he could not swim butterfly anymore for now, at least he could still feel them within his body.

 

 

The next time they met was during the Samezuka's culture festival. Another key moment for their growing feelings. Rin had invited the Iwatobi swimming club this year. When Sousuke heard from Nitori about the tradition for their club activity, he had never been more relieved to be a third year. Judging by how it was already a pain to find a jacket in his size, he could not imagine how it would have been for a maid dress.

 

During that day a lot had happened, but the most important change appeared on his phone screen.

 

_Makoto Tachibana. Call. Send texts._

 

They had exchanged cell phone numbers and got on first name basis. They had spent most of the afternoon together. What else could they ask for? Sure, the distance would remain, as a crushing weight. At least they could keep contacts after they graduated though. There was not much time left before it. Sousuke still had no idea what to do with his life. He knew for sure he needed to take care properly for his shoulder. Staying in Samezuka, helping his parents with their restaurant and search for a new dream was all he could think about for now.

 

Makoto had said he would want to be there to help him and so far their friendship was enough to make him think about something else, to be positive about what the future held for him. When Makoto stood by his side, they wouldn't talk about any of this much but Sousuke knew his friend would be there to hear his worries, fears and doubts. This fact alone was a relief.

 

It did not mean Sousuke would share his thoughts though, he was used to keeping everything bottled up inside. Letting everything build up was his way of keeping his emotions in order. But, to know he had the support behind him, in case it was too much was something he cherished. Insecurities would still be there but seeing Makoto's smile allowed them to vanish a little, if only for a while.

 

_Makoto: I had a lot of fun today, thank you. Have a good night, Sousuke._

 

That first text Makoto sent him ended up being worth of so many butterflies in his stomach and missed heartbeats that, at this point, Sousuke could no longer deny what they meant; he was in love with Makoto.

 

And he was fucked because graduation was coming. Makoto was going to move to Tokyo, taking half of his heart with him. They could barely have any time together but after this, it would be nonexistent. All they would have left was going to be phone calls and texts. It would not be enough. How could it be when Sousuke knew about his feelings for Makoto, when he desired so much more than spending half a day together?

 

Ignorance was bliss.

 

Before Sousuke realized those feelings, he would not feel uneasy whenever he was too close to Makoto. These butterflies had grown a lot stronger making it a lot harder to ignore. Sousuke wondered how he could still be living after all those missed heartbeats each time he received a text. Sousuke was now overthinking about every word in his texts, trying not to give away too much, nor sound ridiculous only to miserably fail and ending up with a mere “ok” answer. Just how he hated doing that.

 

Sousuke was also having this kind of dreams too. Well, he was a young adult, how could he blame his body for being a little horny about the person he loved? But then it was such a fucking pain as he was sharing a room with Rin. Apparently, he was loud. This was fucking _great._ What more could Sousuke do to be more a mess than this?

 

This was surely the reason why his confession had been an utter disaster, unprepared and basically the worst.

 

It was shortly post-graduation. He had been invited by Gou to join their celebration party. Rei, Nagisa, Nitori and Momotarou had wanted to organize something for their senpais apparently. That meant Makoto would be there, right? It had been a while since they had physically seen one another. Exams kept them busy after all.

 

Sousuke thought he would get to the place Gou told him about with Rin but as he woke up he found his friend already finishing to put on his shoes. This night had been a mess for Sousuke, not that it was because one of those wet dreams, but he couldn't fall asleep. If Makoto wasn't at this party, for sure Sousuke would have preferred spending few more hours sleeping.

 

“I have to go some place before meeting everyone, I'll see you there." Rin had said without adding any semblance of an explanation and Sousuke was too sleepy to even care about one important key fact. It wasn't until he found himself lost in Iwatobi that he remembered.

 

He sucked at finding where he was meant to go, especially here in this town he barely went to. The only times he went in there, he was with his swim club. When Sousuke had been by himself, he had wasted countless minutes looking for the right way before giving up and asking someone. Maybe he should ask this time too? He had been sure to look at the map in the train station before starting to walk—

 

“Sousuke?"

 

His heartbeat almost gave up on him at the familiar voice calling out his name. Sousuke had clearly thought it was his imagination playing trick on his mind at first but when he turned towards the source of the voice he couldn't blame his brain anymore. Makoto was there walking down a couple of stairs, not far away from him. The look on his face must have given too much because of Makoto's next words.

 

“Are you lost?" By now, it was no secret for his crush that Sousuke was bad when it came with direction. One hand moved to stroke the back of his neck in an attempt to both calm down his body and keep looking cool. Makoto was wearing his most beautiful smile, that was such an unfair match.

 

“Not really... You live nearby?" After checking his phone, he noticed their meeting was only in a while, which meant such a miraculous encounter resulted from Makoto living close. It was both a blessing for Sousuke to not have to look for the party place but also a curse judging by how Makoto was affecting him.

 

“Yeah, up those stairs. Haru seems to have left already too. I was thinking I could help them to prepare the room." Makoto's smile never faltered as he walked up toward him. Sousuke nodded, trying to memorize the path between the station to Makoto's neighborhood now. Once they were side by side, Makoto started to point towards another street. “Shall I guide you Sousuke?" His smile was clearly ready to crack into a chuckle as he was expecting Sousuke to surely deny being lost once more.

 

But he clearly did not predict Sousuke' sudden gesture as he took his hand in his. And actually neither Sousuke.

 

“Sousuke?" Makoto's smile slowly faded to show concern and worry. Had his teasing been too much? Suddenly he hoped to go back in time and say something else. He was about to apologize but Sousuke's reddened face caught his attention.

 

“Yeah? Well, are we not going? I was thinking you wanted to guide me." Sousuke started, trying to pretend his hand was not holding Makoto's. _Very classy... Now he is going to think you are scared like a kid..._ Sousuke did not have any idea why he started to hold this hand to begin with. His body moved before he could think about it clearly, he was not in a dream after all.

 

Makoto did not react right away. Teal eyes had tried so hard focus only on the road the hand had pointed towards but the silence and absence of reply were scaring him. Sousuke slowly turned towards Makoto to end up seeing a whole new kind of expression.

 

The more they knew each other, the more Sousuke realized just how unlike him, Makoto was very expressive about his feelings. If he was angry, happy, frustrated, embarrassed etc. all those emotions would show up in his expressions and body language, allowing him to be read like an open book. Sousuke was slowly learning about every page but it was the first time he saw that one. It was close to dumbstruck, embarrassment and so many more emotions.

 

It was like that night when he first felt those butterflies. The moment he fell for Makoto even if he didn't realize back then, Sousuke had witnessed so many emotions through him. This seemed to be the same except this time it was even amplified by the fact he was holding his hand. It was sweaty but it was warm. So warm.

 

At that moment it was too much. Makoto's face, he wanted to see it better. Sousuke leaned over without realizing he wasn't the only one leaning and before they could notice anything, they were sharing their first kiss right there.

 

They must have looked like idiots because at that moment, Sousuke was ready to combust from this burning warmth and Makoto was ready to die from all those feelings hitting him at once. And it was at that second they knew it was mutual. That all those butterflies had not only been flying in one stomach and countless years had been lost after all those missing heartbeats. They had spent sleepless nights and some of those were accompanied by burning desire. All those ridiculous texts hadn't been a waste of their time, and they hadn't called each other yet in fear of it being too much...

 

The kiss wasn't long, it was at best a peck but it had thrown their world upside down.

 

“ ** _Fuck_** , _fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck_..." Sousuke kept muttering as he tried to put a damper on those after effects. It was ridiculous. He had thought of a nice way to ask Makoto on a date without looking like a fool, with the help of Rin who was growing sick of having to sleep elsewhere to keep some privacy. It was all fucked up now because he messed up.

 

Makoto was silent, almost not moving, almost like--

 

“Hey Makoto! Breathe! Are you alright? Hey! Don't die on me, alright?" Sousuke started to panic, letting go of Makoto's hand so that he could hold his shoulders. He looked like he was about to collapse. During the moment before Makoto reacted, Sousuke started to doubt everything.

 

What if his impression of this being mutual was wrong? What if Makoto was now hating his guts? What if this was all a dream? What if this person was, in fact, Makoto's secret twin and he had suddenly kissed him? What if-

 

“Ah...It's alright, Sousuke... I just... I didn't think you would do something like that. I was only taken aback." Makoto smiled once more and the whole world was back to its place for Sousuke. The soft shade of pink on their cheeks proved that it was not a dream though. This was real, they had shared their first kiss right there, before any date, prior confession or anything else.

 

Taking a deep breath, Sousuke started to organize his thoughts properly. Now or never... Well not like he could fuck up more than he already did, right?

 

“I've been wanting to do this for a long time, Makoto. I can't think straight...You're on my mind non-stop. I want you." Sousuke started to utter while gazing in green eyes. But, what sounded amazing and coherent in his mind turned into babbling once out of his mouth. Makoto's face kept growing into an even darker hue of red at this point. Yet, in spite of the situation not being perfect, they found themselves unable to stop grins from spreading on their burning lips.

 

Even if it was awkward, they were awkward together and it was enough.

 

“Just go out with me, Makoto!" Sousuke ended up saying, after few more minutes of ramblings and embarrassing moments for them to fondly recall later on. A nod followed quickly, alongside a chuckle and hands pressing against his sides, keeping him close and safe.

 

That day was the longest they had shared together. They did not part after that party, going out downtown together and Sousuke ended up dining at Makoto's place. Had he not been careful about his stupid curfew, Sousuke would have slept in there too. Basking in warmth alongside his lover' side, palms pressed together under covers. Laughter would sound beautiful, coming from Makoto's lips as he would press butterfly (always them!) kisses against his jaw. It was yet another missed opportunity. They did not tell Makoto's parents about their relationship, obviously. But they also kept it a secret from everyone else. It was safer this way and at the same time, it was a little treasure belonging only to them. Something they weren't forced to share before enjoying it by themselves.

 

Rin found out the day he left to Australia, not long after they started going out. Apparently, despite being careful to not be too obvious, there were some hints giving them away. Rin said that there were gestures and expressions that were universal when it came to love. Sousuke could not help tease his friend about his tendency to enjoy those chick flicks. Because for sure it was where he got that knowledge.

 

Sousuke was able to imagine what Rin was talking about nonetheless. There were moments when silence engulfed everything at the dorm or in Makoto's bedroom but it was far from uncomfortable. Their hands would touch, knowing by heart how the other would respond with his body. The mess of the first touch was long gone, bodies having calmed down and butterflies flew away to offer them a reprieve.

 

All of that was replaced by another feeling, something stronger.

 

_Being loved._

 

They knew they cared deeply for each other, without expressing it with words yet, but it was obvious for them whenever they were together. They were in their little bubble, safe from harm.

 

However, they knew it could not last, Makoto was going to move soon. And with it, their time together would abruptly come to an end.

 

They were not particularly showing off like those young straight couples kissing and/or holding hands on the streets. But those soft smiles and tender looks they shared, the way they would laugh together, feeling like everything was alright and just being _happy_ was all they needed. They had agreed to continue this relationship even if they were physically hundreds of kilometers away from one another.

 

There would be a time when they would be able to be together physically. Until then, Sousuke and Makoto would enjoy every little second they could spend together.

 

 

Meetings were replaced by countless amount of phone calls. Their first one had been short and basically weird since they weren't used to this yet. But slowly they grew accustomed to this new method of talking to one another. There was not a day where they wouldn’t exchange a text or a call.

 

They were talking about the future a bit more during those moments as well. Before the moving, especially in the last weeks, they had been so eager to share their full bloomed feelings that they did not talk about it much. By now, their relationship had grown into something they couldn't ignore, since that famous night where Makoto offered his help. They shared their doubts, insecurities and fears more easily than before. Sousuke did not have to bottle them up and Makoto did not have to hide them.

 

They were there for each other.

 

Sousuke was present when Makoto was feeling bad over an old teammate, insecurities piling up with his new job as a coach, or also when he was having some difficulties in his studies. Those bad moments were outshone by all those good ones where Makoto told him he finally make up with that old teammate, he learned how one of the kids his lover was coaching had thanked him and how everything had felt so perfect for Makoto at this moment.

 

Sousuke would do everything to support Makoto's dream to become a trainer.

 

Makoto was there when Sousuke started to doubt he would find anything else to do in his life. He had tried to not meddle too much when Sousuke told him about the offer he got for surgery. Makoto was scared to take the decision for his lover. It should be left to Sousuke and him alone. Makoto had assured him he would be there for him whatever he chose.

 

Makoto would do everything to stand by Sousuke's side. It did not matter for Makoto if this was Sousuke's former dream. He believed in his lover to be strong enough to be able to achieve it.

 

Yet, it was so easy to fall for his fears and doubts that something wrong would happen during the surgery. Who wouldn't be? It was a surgery! Sousuke had told him it was not a life-threatening one, yet he still couldn't shudder off those worries and fears from his heart. Sousuke was going to need to stay at the hospital too… And the worst of it was how he was stuck in class when his lover's train boarded into the station.

 

Even when they were going to be in the same town, they remained unable to meet.

 

So the moment Makoto saw Sousuke waiting in front of his place, he could not help it. He found himself rushing to his side, arms wrapping around his boyfriend in a tight embrace. He did not care if they were technically speaking still outside of his apartment, it had been months since he had last touched him. And damn, they had missed such contact so much. They stayed like that for a while, just basking into one another until they heard one the familiar creaking coming from a door being opened on their floor.

  
They immediately parted and Makoto decided to finally get them inside the flat, fingers wrapped around his lover's. Just how long had Sousuke been there waiting for him? How did he get in there? Was he going to start swimming again here in Tokyo? Did he have any rehab program he was enrolled in now? There were so many questions filling Makoto's mind, although one thing came out instead.

 

“Live with me. Stay at my place. I don't want to say "goodbye" to you ever again..." Makoto suddenly whispered voice laced with a sudden fear of being rejected. It was surely too soon and he expected Sousuke to refuse and to reject the offer without a second thought. After all, his proposal clearly meant something in the long run, it wouldn't only be for a couple of nights. Makoto wanted to live with Sousuke for as long as their relationship lasted—hoping he would mean forever.

 

Makoto did not want to have to enjoy each second as if it was supposed to be the last! He did not want to have to part so frequently when it was clear their hearts shattered every time! He wanted to support Sousuke properly and fully as his lover! How much Makoto wanted to spend a night by his side and waking up with the sight of Sousuke's sleeping face— wishing to witness peace on his boyfriend's face and the joy of him opening his eyes to someone caring for him.

 

Makoto was sick of everything going against them, more and more! He was the first one to care more about others than his own happiness, but right now he was trying to be a little more selfish.

 

And Sousuke was hit by all those emotions as stared at Makoto, hearing him pour his heart out for their sake. Just like the first time he fell in love with him or when he confessed, Sousuke was witnessing all those emotions from Makoto he was still not used to see.

 

But he wanted to know them all, to learn them until they would be engraved in his heart and mind! It had been months since they started dating and Sousuke was still taken aback by this, although clearly, he should have gotten used to it. Had it not been for those obligations, erratic schedules, and the endless distance separating them so painfully, Sousuke would have known a lot more about Makoto and his desires.

 

Ones which were obviously mutual in this case.

 

“Yeah-- Yes I want to live with you, Makoto." Sousuke stepped forward first, strong arms wrapping around Makoto and holding him as close as possible. Ah, still the same shampoo, how precious. He moved his head back a little and found himself melting as he watched the purest smile he had ever got the chance to see. His own surely matched it, especially as they pressed their lips together. They knew they were perhaps rushing things. Most of Sousuke stuff was still at his parents' and Makoto's flat was too small for two. And who was meant to care about this? They surely did not in this pure moment of bliss.

 

And by each other side, time always seemed tricky. Every meeting they had seemed to last just a few seconds while their time away was similar to an eternity. Hopefully, after they started to live together, they would not have to care about it. This was something they had always wanted to do.

 

No longer being bound by cruel hours wasted separated from the other. Their watches being put away so they could focus on one another instead.

 

And, if time decided to strike them for their love, taking away everything, they would fight to their last breath, defeating gods and the world itself.

 

After all, that's what love is about.


End file.
